September-November 2004

What's with the paper bag? The UE isn't fool enough to give up his day job, that's what!

Yes the election is finally upon us. The choices are grim, by now you've all seen the "Kerry Sucks Less" bumper stickers. George forgot his promise to bring us Bin Laden's corpse. What if we had a reasonable third choice?

We are taking a survey of the microwave industry to see what middle-income, mostly white, fat and bald guys will be voting for. Please take a few minutes to help us out in this very important effort. Results will be recorded and compared to the Election Day in November.

In order to help you compare the candidates, we have come up with a rating tool. Actually it's more of a "tool rating". Count up the number of extremist groups that each candidate is a tool for, and you'll get an idea why they don't have time to support your personal causes. Your choices are given below, merely click on the candidate of your choice (click either the picture above or the link below) to have your vote counted in this unbiased presidential poll. Thanks again for your help.

I vote for John Kerry

Even though he is a tool for:

The ketchup industry
The Kennedy family
Trial lawyers
The "Big Dig"
Trade unions
Welfare Moms

I vote for George Bush

Even though he is a tool for:

Right-to-lifers
Right to deathers (supporters of capital punishment)
National Rifle Association
The extraction industries
Rich people
Bob Jones so-called University
Homophobes
Skull and Bones Society
Saudi Arabia
Haliburton
Osama Bin Laden/Al Queda
Drug companies

I vote for the Unknown Editor

Even though he is a tool for:

Environmentalists
Microwave Industry

As Mayor Curley used to say, vote early and vote often!

Check out the Unknown Editor's archives when you are looking for a way to screw off for an hour or so!