December 2016
Oops, I said the C-word. Didn't mean to, it slipped out. Make that Yuletide Greetings, except there is so much more material when you refer to Christmas.
I have gotten several requests from my two readers for me to comment on the US president elect, a subject I have been avoiding. It is a well-known fact that once you start discussing politics at a business, you risk losing half of your customers. What good would it do to call someone names and quote him out of context? Where are we, on a playground, or in a locker room?
Let's start with a video you can play to put you in the holiday spirit. Please observe the Dropkick Murphys, if their song does not remind you of holiday merriment, you lead a boring life.
Dropkick Murphys, The Season's Upon Us
Check out the Dropkick 2017 schedule, they are touring Europe, including Vienna, Berlin, Munich, Amsterdam, London, Paris, Belgrade, Athens, etc.
2016 Nobel Prize for Literature
After World War II, there was a conscious effort to educate engineers in the arts, so that they might know right from wrong a little better than Albert Speer, who used slave labor to increase armament production for a government that was a "real disaster" to quote Putin's Puppe. Speaking of strings, the Orange Genius had better tow the line, it is a safe bet that his tax returns are locked and loaded for a quick reveal on wikileaks if his cozy Russian relationship ever strays. Among other things, engineering schools were required to teach "humanities" courses. In a related move, the federal government created the National Endowment for the Arts in 1965 and gave it annual funding north of ~$100M to spread around the art community, chump change compared to the military budget; Uncle Sam's tiny heart was in the right place for a brief moment.
Singer/song writer Bob Dylan was nominated for the Nobel prize for literature in 2016, but did not show up to accept his award. He was busy, leave the guy alone. Let's see Patti Smith sing "A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall" at the Nobel ceremony in December. Even if she missed a few lyrics of this complex song, she nailed the feeling behind it. Hard Rain was written before the Cuban Missile Crisis, but Dylan himself disputes that the it is about nuclear war. It's merely a protest song about personal empowerment. That lyric about "black is the color and none is the number" could be an ironic precursor to making America Great Again. Hard Rain should get some airplay at the Million Woman March on Washington DC on January 17. Start crocheting your pussyhat, or let us know if you need one and Brenda will send it to you.
Patti Smith sings A Hard Rain's Gonna Fall
If you are like me, you already know that Bob Dylan was a great poet and deserves global recognition. But you might want to ask Santa for Patti Smith's Just Kids book, the story of her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe. If you are old enough, you will remember that Reagan was the first US president that tried to kill NEA funding. Later, Mapplethorpe's photos of BDSM were vilified by Republicans and religious bobble-heads and almost caused the NEA to be killed off outright during the Bush years. Newt Grinch also tried to kill NEA in 1994, and you might expect that Comrade Cheeto McTweeto will try again. Where is the humanity?
Special Sports Edition
It has come to my attention that in order to increase circulation, you have to mention sports from time to time. Heck, even Rolling Stone magazine had a footballer on the cover recently. What is the world coming to? Maybe Rolling Stone was trying to play it safe after that UVA scandal thingy. If I liked looking at men, I might remark on the cover. Maybe some of you will enjoy it more than I.
For me, there's nothing like watching a football game on television. Yelling at people that can't hear you, eating bad food, going to work hung over the next day and mad that your team lost. There is no up side to this.
Quite often you will see grown men wearing shirts with other men's names on the back, to honor their favorite sports hero, I have mentioned this in the past. There's no shame in it, unless you are so sensitive about how others perceive of your life that you compensate by attacking other people for the way they are.
Below, Trumplethinskin is presented with a shirt bearing his own name. This is most appropriate for a man that is deeply, romantically involved with himself.
Note that is a violation of federal law to procure a shirt with another man's name on the back of it using money from a charity.
New England Patriot's Official Ball Deflator Gift!
It seems so long ago that the New England Patriots were caught deflating a dozen footballs to gain a small advantage in a playoff game. Don't ask me who they were playing, I don't know and I don't care. It did amuse me that the quarterback and others lined up press conferences to tell the world that they did not commit this petty crime, they used the tried-and-true "deny everything" defense that is becoming more popular with politicians such as the Short Fingered Vulgarian. How was it possible that someone deflated them all exactly 2 psi below the requirement, when the balls were out of sight for only 90 seconds? The excuse that was given was that the balls were set to the required pressure indoors, then lost pressure outside where it was colder. Trying to listen to an athlete or sports writer explain the Ideal Gas Law makes my head hurt. First of all, the temperature difference between the locker room and outside was a mere 18 degrees; second, low pressure was measured indoors after the game when they were revealed to be under-inflated. When the subject comes up during the holidays, you can respond with the following: "The ideal gas law does not apply here - unlike, say, a submarine, a football does not have a constant volume with regard to changes in temperature and pressure. It is an elastic enclosure and therefore presents a nonlinear problem if you insist on mathematics, you dimwit" and have another beer.
It would be quite easy to accurately reduce the pressure of 12 footballs in 90 seconds using a pressure gauge, an inflation needle, a brass adapter or two, and perhaps a little Vaseline to speed the task. Check out the deflate-o-meter I created for about ten bucks in parts, it stands ready to quickly deflate any number of footballs to an exact pressure that you can preset! Here is the ultimate sports gift for New England Patriots fans who won't shut up about how it is impossible to deflate 12 footballs in 90 seconds.
Microwaves101 Football Deflate-O-Meter
Check out the Unknown Editor's amazing archives when you are looking for a way to screw off for a couple of hours or more!
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