August 2006
Update October 2006: we have declared AE-IOU the winner of this exciting contest! Here's some of his fine work:
A cluster probe scans
across the blooming landscape;
the sidelobes giggle.
Time delay units
unrelenting, toil patiently;
brown leaves fall as planned.
The reflectors of
Cherbourg fling the lovers' words;
Raindrops punctuate.
By now we have all seen the lowbrow America's Got Talent special with Regis Philbin, David Hasselhoff, Brandy, and Peirs Morgan. Peirs plays the bad British guy, Hasselhoff plays the field (his divorce just came through) and Brandy plays her next to last gig before assuming the attic row of Hollywood Squares. Acts include Rappin' Granny, gay stiltwalkers, the horrible screech of an electric violin, a stripper, numerous jugglers and even a ventriloquist. In short, it's so bad that it's great, especially when Piers makes 'em cry!!!
That got us thinking... we're microwave engineers, and we've got talent. Time for a contest!
Here's the venue: the contest is for the best Haiku. It's not just open to Americans, this is an equal opportunity web site (but entries must be in English, Spanglish, gibberish, or something that we can all appreciate. And you don't have to write about microwave topics, how about some politically incorrect Haiku?
What constitutes Haiku? No rhymes are required, just five/seven/five syllables that present a simple message or story. Use the word "Halliburton" and you have 23.5% of the project completed! No, it doesn't have to contain reference to a season like "classic" Haiku... You can cheat by adding a title, then you get more than 17 syllables to bring your point across! Don't try to enter a Haiku from one of those robo-Haiku web sites, it won't win.
Here's three examples, first a microwave Haiku, then some original political thoughts...
Status Meeting
MMIC stability.
Explain while Mayor McCheese
eats second donut.
(of course, you have to pronounce "MMIC" as "mimic" to make five syllables...)
Wrestling Move
Gun owners are wussies.
Let's bring it outside sucker.
Smell my armpit now.
Do the Right Thing
Butt-kissed CEO
Greedy dirtbag celebrity
Raise minimum wage!
Heck, we could do this all day, maybe after retirement it will be time to create a book of such excellent Haiku. But for now we hope to sit back and let the rest of you do some work. Did we mention the prize? It's a check for $50. Don't worry, if you play this right you won't be even close to minimum wage!
As far as submitting, we'd like you to post your artistic efforts to the message board. You can post your email address on the board so we can get in touch with you later. If you don't want your email address out there for spam engines to find , drop us an email immediately after posting so we know it's your work if you want to be in the running for the cash. Just don't use any forbidden words or your entry might get deleted.
All of your submitted work is property of this web site for further use by us if we desire.
Start busting some dope cuts!
Check out the Unknown Editor's amazing archives when you are looking for a way to screw off for a couple of hours or more!