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September 2003

This month we will shine the spotlight on the Unknown Editor, so his thousands of fans can get an artificial feeling of closeness to the "all-knowing one"…or is that "the annoying one"?

Who is the Unknown Editor? He's a real microwave engineer, just like some of you wish you were. He is roughly at the 75% mark on the scale of "birth, school, work, death." He works for a Fortune 500 company that would not exist if not for the contributions of microwave engineers. He's been at this same company since America had an actual engineer in the white house.

To answer on frequently asked question, why must the Unknown Editor remain anonymous? Is it because he'd get in trouble with his day job for moonlighting? That's not it at all, he has them by the short hairs. Here's the problem. Once he's identified, his life would be destroyed, just like it is with every other handsome and charismatic celebrity. That's a hard price to pay. One minute he's unknown… next thing you know he'd be crashing a private plane just short of the Martha's Vineyard airport with his movie star wife. Next a series of unauthorized biographies would make it to the New York Times bestseller list…

Being unknown has its advantages. Like Tom Joad, the UE can be there in spirit, wherever there's a man being beaten because he didn't understand how to design a phase shifter, he'll be there… Also like Tom Joad, his police record pre-dates the world-wide web (perhaps one huge advantage of being over 40 years old!)

What else do you need to know about the UE? He's a walking talking dichotomy, a misfit who fits no particular group in particular. He's an "environmentalist whacko", to use the tremendously catchy title used by that beacon of light Rush Windbag. Yet he hates dogs even more than he hates cats. His most memorable quote recorded in his college yearbook is "if it's on TV, it's got to be good", yet these days he turns off the set for his no-good kids upwards of six times a day. He goes to the same church religiously every Sunday… the church of fixing sh*t around the house while drinking Foster's Lager. He's a cheap bastard to work for, yet he's got an eleven year-old Calcutta girl on the payroll (perhaps your future boss?) Let's use the output of a recent personality quiz taken by the UE to look into the psyche of his intellectualhood:

Favorite Adult Swim cartoon character: Murph, of Sealab.

Favorite musician who drank themself to death: tie, Hank W. and Janis J.

First paying job: picking eggs out from under uncooperative chickens.

What union has he belonged to: Teamsters food handlers. A revolting thought, the UE preparing a meal for a paying customer...

Most recent professional affiliation: Old Crows, it's a whole lot cheaper than IEEE, and the name sounds cooler!

Worst MMIC design: three stage 2-watt power amp with zero dB gain. Those processing jokers must have messed with the gate length and via holes!

Approximate yearly income as a microwave engineer, plus percentage of time spent at work using calculus and/or any form of electromagnetic analysis: 150,000.01 (jealous, are you?)

Skis or snowboard? Snowboard, duh!

Here's a recent quote from the Unknown Editor that will leave you all tingly:

"There's a lot of knowledge out there on the World-Wide Web. Some of it is cool, some of it sucks… we just want to take the stuff that doesn't suck and put it all in one place. And charge some vendors for not dissin' them. And here's a message for SUV owners, Bin Laden is still alive, so why don't you top up the tank today and send him your message of support!"

- Posted (or perhaps composted) by the staff of Microwaves101.com

Check out the Unknown Editor's archives when you are looking for a way to screw off for an hour or so!

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